Side: Seraria
『All right, Hiffy, Comet, you're out!』
On the screen projected in front of me, such footage is streaming live.
At Luna's command, Steve and the others carry out the punishment games.
Thanks to the special cell's incredible capabilities, its shape can change as needed, transforming into a position where only the prisoners' backsides stick out, making it easier to carry out the torture... I mean, punishment games.
Of course, the one who crafted such a bizarre, incomprehensible cage was Narjia-san. And the one who proposed it was my husband.
As I'm thinking about that, two women start screaming as another punishment game approaches.
『L-Luna-sama!! Please come to your senses!! We don't have time for this!!』
『Ahahaha!! What are you talking about? First, get yourselves out of that cell. If you can't escape on your own, we'll keep the game going!!』
『Wait, you're definitely slipping your own personal hobbies into this, aren't you, Luna-san!? I-I surrender, so please stop!! M-My butt is at its limit!! It really hurts now!! And why is Taizou-san the only one who's avoiding the punishment games?! Isn't that discrimination!?』
『It's not discrimination. Most of these are Japanese-themed games, after all.』
『Indeed. It was nice to have the opportunity to eat natto, wasabi, and mustard again after so long, but they don't seem to agree with Comet-dono and Hiffy-dono.』
『Well, maybe so. BUT!! Saying no to mustard on oden!? That's blasphemy against oden!! I won't allow such outrage!! Also, Comet's surrender is rejected!! Collective responsibility!! You chose Hiffy's side, so stick with her until the end!! Do it, my minions!!』
『『『Yesu, ma'am!』』』
SMACK!!
『『Kyan!!?』』
I've been watching these two go through their punishment games for a while now, and they make such adorable little cries.
『Nfufufu... Nice!! Make even cuter sounds!! Honestly, stop acting tough like little kids and making my job harder when I'm trying to settle things peacefully!!』
Correction: If my husband ever found out I shared the same hobbies as that useless goddess, he'd hate me. I absolutely do not share the same tastes as that useless goddess. Let's just call it a liking for cute things.
As for the latter part of what she said, I suppose workplaces everywhere are the same. The boss who's been trying to keep everything under control is finally letting out all her pent-up frustration.
Aria-neesama wouldn't do something like this to me, would she? ...No, although I do recall dumping so much trouble on her that I wouldn't even be in a position to complain if she did.
Next time, I should bring a box of sweets and go check in on her mood. If I play my cards wrong, there's a chance she might leak strange information about me to my husband. I must prevent that at all costs.
『Let's see... What's the next game...? Ah, fried grasshoppers! Uehhh... Even I don't like these... Do your best!!』
『H-How can you serve something that even you can't eat?!』
『This is tyranny!! More importantly, Hiffy, hurry up and admit defeat already!! Don't drag me into this!!』
『Y-You!! How can you admit defeat so easily?! Yuki-dono is only doing this halfheartedly!!』
『I mean, doesn't that just mean we can't even resist Yuki-kun when he's only halfheartedly playing around? We can't even escape this weird cell... Wait, Taizou-san is actually eating fried grasshoppers!?』
Whoa... even I didn't feel like eating it just looking at the footage, but Taizou is munching on it normally.
『Ah, Taizou was in Japan toward the end of World War II, right?』
『That is correct. Though fried grasshoppers existed before then. I first tried them during the food shortage. There is nothing wrong with them; they're actually quite tasty. They're perfectly edible, so why don't you give them a try, Hifffy-dono, Comet-dono? Besides, if you don't eat them, you'll get another punishment game.』
『She's right. There's less than a minute remaining, so why don't you clear at least one? Your butts must be at their limit too, right? You'll get hemorrhoids, you know?』
And the one staring at that fried grasshopper with eyes full of grim determination is Comet.
No, wait—what does it mean to have "eyes full of grim determination" when you're a corpse?
『C-Comet? D-Don't tell me...!』
『I can't keep putting up with Hiffy's stubbornness!! I-I'm eating it!!』
『D-Don't!! You'll die!!』
Comet is a Lich and an undead, though...
『It's not poisonous though...』
Taizou looks slightly saddened as he continues eating the remaining fried grasshoppers.
Well, it probably hurts to hear someone badmouth food from your own country... Though he understands himself that it's considered bizarre food, so he won't get angry.
『A-Ah, no. I didn't mean to insult your country, Taizou-dono...』
『No, no, I understand. However, you should eat it quickly, or time will...』
The moment Taizou says that, Luna excitedly shouts:
Time's up!! Hiffy, Comet, you're out!!』
『Tch. This too is a trial. I will endure it...』
『But I was eating it!! Hey, Luna-san!?』
『You only nibbled a tiny piece. That doesn't count. Also, Hiffy's reactions are starting to get boring, so I'm bringing out another punishment game.』
『『WHAT!?』』
The two of them react simultaneously.
And then they start arguing.
『Hey, Hiffy!! Because of you, we're getting some weird new punishment game!!』
『I-It isn't my fault!! It is heavenly retribution for Comet trying to abandon me and run away!!』
『What heavenly retribution?! It's purely physical, and Luna-san literally said Hiffy's reaction was boring!! You stubborn, unreasonable blockhead!!』
『What did you say!?』
...These two are hopeless.
『Alright, alright. It's fine to have a nice little squabble, but change into these.』
Saying so, what Luna had Steve and the others bring over were swimsuits.
Bikini-style.
『I-I refuse to wear something so indecent!!』
『Heh~ so this is what's fashionable these days. Hmm... Looking at it, it doesn't become transparent when you get it wet, so I guess it's clothing designed for going into the water. It properly covers the important parts, too. It's cute, so I think it's fine. Besides, if I said no, they'd probably strip me by force anyway.』
『Nahahaha!! I'll make you stark naked!! No swimsuit!! I'm perfectly happy with that!! And if you want Taizou to see you, you could always change without wearing anything at all!!』
So she has a perverted side, too... We can't let her interact with the children without supervision, or it'll be terrible for their education.
This useless goddess gets carried away far too easily.
『Hmm, hmm. It's easier to move in than I thought. It's perfect for a dip in the water too. Looks like it'll dry quickly.』
『C-Comet, aren't you ashamed?! For a woman to expose this much skin...』
『What are you talking about? I normally bathe completely naked, so what's the difference? In that sense, this is an amazing invention. You can actually dress up while bathing. I think it's great. Plus, I'm a pretty girl, right?』
『Shut up, you research-obsessed idiot!』
『What did you say!?』
『All right, enough of that. Now we're going to put the cells into this as well."
Saying so, Steve and the others brought over a transparent box filled with water so hot it was steaming.
『What's this?』
『Hot water? You want us to take a bath?』
『Well, that part hasn't changed. But I've made it a little hotter this time. Don't worry, it's not hot enough to burn you. And with these buttons you've just been given, you can raise and lower the other person.』
『『WHAT!?』』
The two women's faces stiffen.
At their feet is a steaming pool of dangerously hot water.
And in their hands are the buttons that can control it.
...Ah. They immediately press the buttons to lower the other person first, but nothing happens.
『Hey, hey. Don't get into some ugly little power struggle. This is going to be the punishment game from now on. And this time, both of you are out... So, push!』
『『Eh?』』
The cells begin descending.
Naturally, they're positioned so that they will sink into the hot water.
『I-It's hot...』
『W-Wait!! It's hot!? It's really hot!? A corpse like me needs to be properly refrigerated, you know!?』
Any sex appeal from the bikinis has completely disappeared.
Their feet submerged halfway into the hot water, unable to endure the heat, hopping up and down—while you could laugh at the sight, there was zero sex appeal.
『AHAHAHAHA!! All right, let's keep you in there for exactly ten seconds!』
『W-Wait!』
『Not gonna waiiit~』
Saying so, the cells mercilessly descends.
『『IT'S HOOOOOOT!?』』
Ten seconds later, two beautiful women who should have looked alluring with their skin slightly flushed are instead slumped miserably inside their cells.
『Ahhahahaha!! Ow, my stomach hurts!! Alright, we'll go with this punishment game for a while longer~!!』
It seems this useless goddess's fun isn't ending anytime soon...
"Oh, you're still at it? It's remarkably effective, huh."
"You deliberately set it up this way, didn't you?"
Turning around as I said that, my husband was looking at me with a glowing, refreshed expression.
"How are the kids?"
"Already asleep. At this rate, Shance, Yuyu, Shael, and Eria will probably start talking soon, too."
"Probably. I remember Grandmother saying that once one child starts talking, the others tend to follow soon after."
Ever since my husband returned, he left Luna and the idiots alone, got called 'Papa' by our daughters, let his face turn completely mushy, and stayed glued to their side the entire time.
Meanwhile, we wives have been completely neglected.
Tonight, we're going to make sure we get some attention too. He doesn't get to be the only one satisfied. Well, all I have to do is sneak into his room when he goes to bed.
But for now...
"So, dear. You're leaving things to Luna to drag this out, but how do you plan to settle this?"
Yes, rather than such a farce, how are we going to avoid this war? Without an alternative plan, Hiffy cannot accept it given her position.
"You know how we couldn't figure out the true nature of the magic swords Hiffy and her group mass-produced, so we issued an investigation order to each country just in case?"
"Ah, yes, now that you mention it, we did do that."
"And it looks like Hiffy had probably been working behind the scenes. The magic swords were being distributed among groups of thugs in various cities. Not a bad move."
"What?!"
"Apparently Hiffy really had thought things through and intended to take on the entire world. Though apparently the magic swords she distributed have even lower output. I imagine she was using them for experiments related to mental control as well. That means the major powers of the hypothetical enemy nations would be too busy dealing with chaos in their own capitals."
"I see. In that case, she could deal with the major powers reasonably well. So, are you planning to make use of the thugs who possess those magic swords?"
"Exactly. It's basically a strategy where we separate Liliana and the other demons from the Demon King. We can claim that Hiffy was either a fake disguised using a magical device or someone being controlled by a magic sword, and use that to avoid a war with August. All we have to do is leak information about the group of thugs possessing magic swords who are hiding in August. Then we spread information that similar groups possessing magic swords exist in other countries and make it look like there's some massive criminal organization behind them, rather than just a bunch of random thugs."
"And would August accept that?"
"Probably. The fact that they sent an envoy in the first place means they're suspicious about what's going on. Of course, they'll probably complain a little about their country's leader being targeted. But it helps that the people who attacked August weren't Hiffy's regular soldiers. They apparently used to be bandits, so Hifii probably captured them and experimented on them."
"Ah, yes. I remember hearing a report like that. I see. In that case, it would actually make more sense if there were a criminal organization behind it. And from August's perspective, there would already be a group armed with those magic swords hiding inside their own country, so dealing with that would take priority. Even if they wanted to complain, they'd have to admit that the enemy has already infiltrated their own backyard. So it would be more or less even."
He really is good at finding clever ways around problems.
And I never realized Hiffy had gone that far behind the scenes.
"Well, it's thanks to Mino-chan doing his job properly."
"Mino-chan did?"
"Yeah. After my order, we handed over magic swords and magic items prepared on our side—that is, the dungeon side—to Enaria as a token of friendship, right?"
"Yes."
"Considering the possibility that they might be siphoned off or analyzed, I had him investigate quite deeply..."
"And that led right to that group of ruffians, is that it?"
"Exactly. And as for Enaria, that group has already been crushed. We let Enaria's general and soldiers take the credit, though. General Prism took the lead and wiped them out."
"Oh my. That girl is energetic as well. As a result, did you tell them to send an official letter stating that a criminal organization holding magic swords was hiding in a friendly nation?"
"Exactly. That makes it no longer just an issue involving August and Hiffy. All the countries will cooperate against this fictional criminal organization armed with magic swords. It could become the most troublesome enemy imaginable. Assuming everything goes smoothly, of course."
He's already thought through what happens next, and from what I've heard, there don't seem to be any problems.
Now, all that's left is...
『All right! The amount of time you've spent in this hot bath is the amount of time you'll have to answer the questions!! If you can't answer, both of you go back into the hot water!! First, work together and earn enough time to answer the questions!! You have the buttons controlling each other's cells, right? If you do them simultaneously, I won't know which one to watch, so let's have Hiffy start by getting into the hot bath!』
『W-What!?』
『Leave it to me, Hiffy!! I'll operate the button properly and earn enough time for us to answer the questions!! Ah, Luna-san. Exactly how much time do we need to answer the questions? I'd really like to know that.』
『Oh, there are five questions in total. Hmm... At most, thirty seconds should be enough. Time doesn't pass while I'm reading the questions, so don't worry about that. Let's say you two need to earn fifty seconds to be safe.』
『I-I see!! All right, Comet. We'll split it evenly!! Twenty-five seconds each!!』
『Huh? Hiffy can earn all fifty seconds herself. I'm getting dragged into this because of you, after all!!』
『H-Hey!! It's hot?! C-Comet!! You're joking, right?! Raise me after twenty-five seconds...!』
Despite Hiffy's desperate protests, the cell isn't raised even after twenty-five seconds.
It finally ends at forty-two seconds.
Hiffy is probably crying by now.
『Man~ Sorry about that. I thought Hiffy could handle it. But look, thanks to all your hard work, I only need 8 seconds.』
『Alright, alright. Go ahead with your revenge, Hiffy.』
『Huh? Hiffy, that smile is scary. But make sure you raise me after eight seconds, okay? HOT!? Wait a minute, it's already been enough time, raise it!!』
Of course, there was no way Hiffy would raise it after 8 seconds, so she kept her submerged for the exact same number of seconds before raising her up.
『...Hiffy, you and I need to have a serious talk sometime. I never thought a god, of all beings, could be this petty and spiteful.』
『...That is my line. I never imagined Comet would be such a terrible friend without a shred of loyalty. I am disappointed.』
『『AH?』』
The two glare at each other.
『AHAHAHAHAAAAAA!! THIS IS HILARIOUUUUUUS!!』
And the useless goddess laughs.
"Hey. It looks like they're starting to develop some real hatred for each other. Do you think they'll actually accept our proposal?"
"It's not like it's actual torture, it's just in the realm of a joke. The one executing it isn't me, it's Luna, and if they whine about it, showing them this footage and threatening to screen it for Poppuri and the others will break their spirit."
No, you're intending to break their spirit, aren't you?"
However, as for Taizou, who has been completely forgotten...
『Ahhh, a bath has to be this hot! This feels great!』
He's just enjoying the hot bath like a normal person, so he's been excluded from the game entirely... Tough guy, isn't he?
