Side: Seraria
Mino-chan and the others successfully negotiated with the Enaria army, leading to their safe withdrawal.
They even secured prisoners, and thanks to Mino-chan's negotiations, they were recognized as an independent third party unrelated to us.
As a result, both Jilva and Enaria found it impossible to continue the war any further.
If either side ignored us—or rather, Mino-chan's forces—and resumed fighting, then even though Mino-chan's group wouldn't actually suffer any harm, it would naturally appear as though they had been inconvenienced. That would give them a perfectly legitimate excuse to intervene and suppress both sides.
That's why continuing the war became impossible.
The situation evolved to the point where it was far more profitable for the two countries to simply sign a ceasefire agreement or form an alliance.
As a result, we, the mercenary group, were left completely free to move as we pleased.
Yes, everything was absolutely perfect.
...Right up until a certain naked tribe from our specialized operations unit triggered an incredibly perverted incident, causing a massive headache.
"Now then, let's hear your excuse."
Inside a military interrogation room in Weed, I questioned the Goblin responsible for initiating this whole mess.
To be precise, it was Steve—the top commander of the Goblin forces and the monster division as a whole.
"I'm innocent-ssu!! It was an accident during combat!! I demand a lawyer!!
"A lawyer? This isn't Earth. That profession doesn't even exist here. You've really picked up some odd things from my husband's culture."
"B-But if this keeps up, I'll be branded a pervert..."
"You idiot, the charge brought against you is attempted sexual assault. That puts you physically behind bars. Not to mention, kidnapping charges apply as well."
Yes, the disaster Steve brought about was an attempted sexual assault.
And kidnapping.
"It couldn't be helped-ssu! They were the ones at fault!"
"That is exactly why I am telling you to explain yourself. I'll decide after hearing everything."
The reason I was personally interrogating Steve like this was because I was the only one who could pass judgment on him.
Well, my husband technically holds the authority to judge him based on his position, but he is currently swamped with mediating between Jilva and Enaria. Furthermore, while he officially has to act as an intermediary with Mino-chan's monster army, Mino-chan's forces have been our subordinates from the very beginning.
I am the Queen of Weed, and at the same time, the head of the military. A subordinate's blunder falls squarely on my shoulders.
I've completely left Weed's political matters to representatives like Eris and Ratz, so I'm not as busy as I expected. Of course, now that we have our own nation—even if it's a small one—I still have banquets and meetings almost every day. Of course, I firmly refuse anything unnecessary, so I get to spend every day happily with my daughter and play games.
Anyway, back to the topic — this incident is quite problematic.
Steve, who has been my husband's partner since the old days, allegedly committed attempted sexual assault and kidnapping. From an outsider's perspective, it looks absolutely terrible.
Knowing him, the root cause is undoubtedly a misunderstanding or something incredibly petty, but I can't just let him off scot-free without a proper inquiry.
"Good grief, because of you, my dinner plans with Sakura tonight were completely ruined."
"...I'm really sorry-ssu."
Tonight's dinner for Sakura was Killue's breast milk.
Well, since half of us are pregnant right now, the silver lining is that we aren't hurting for milk.
Yuki previously mentioned something about "powdered formula", but I wasn't having any of that. As if I would ever give a substitute to my own child.
I don't mean to criticize formula itself, of course, but if you're capable of producing your own milk and you have the time, you absolutely should nurse your child yourself. Otherwise, what are breasts even for? It makes me feel like there's a lack of affection.
Killue and the others who are currently nursing are approaching their own delivery dates soon, which is a bit worrisome. However, it seems our own deliveries were about a month premature, meaning their original due dates should be around this time.
Well, thanks to our experience giving birth, the mental preparation and arrangements are thoroughly in place, so their deliveries will likely go much smoother than ours did.
...Wait, this won't do.
If I don't wrap up Steve's hearing quickly, I won't even be able to sleep beside Sakura tonight.
"If you truly feel sorry, then start by explaining the circumstances."
"...Understood-ssu."
* * *
Side: Steve — "The Sex Offender"
...I feel like an incredibly disrespectful introduction just popped up, but right now, I have no choice but to prove my innocence.
At the time, I had taken ten elite members of my squad to execute a mission aimed at reducing the supplies of the enemy's main reinforcement host.
...Wearing nothing but loincloths and wielding short swords.
The reasoning behind it made perfect sense.
On that continent, we are seen as mere Goblins.
While our name has carried some weight within the Jilva Empire, everywhere else we are viewed as nothing more than a tribe of naked savages.
Therefore, under the premise that we could attack the enemy as unaffiliated monsters, we donned our wildly primitive loincloth attire to fulfill orders to seize and waste the enemy's supplies.
"Alright, enemy presence confirmed ahead."
"...Captain, are we seriously going to ambush them in this outfit?"
"...It shouldn't feel cold out here, yet my very soul is freezing."
"...I want to wear clothes."
"...I am not a pervert..."
For some reason, my subordinates' morale was abysmally low.
Well, we aren't exactly a specialized black-ops unit.
I could understand how they felt, but a job is a job.
"...Just do the job quickly so we can put our clothes back on."
"""...Yessir..."""
Our objective had already completely shifted from the mission itself to simply finishing the work so we could wear clothes again.
It couldn't be helped.
We are civilized Goblins, after all.
"We've pinned down the approximate location of their supplies, so let's wrap this up fast."
"""Kaaay."""
With that, we leaped out from the bushes, preparing to launch our ambush.
...But a single comment from those guys ruined everything.
"Oh, look, Goblins. To think they'd show up around here."
"Seems so. But look at them. They're too stupid to even wear clothes."
"They probably stink. I don't wanna end up looking like that."
That is exactly what they said!!
Who the hell wants to run around half-naked!?
Naturally, I snapped.
"You bastards!! I'm going to teach you exactly whose fault it is that we're suffering like this!!"
"Eh?"
"How Captain?"
"Weren't we told not to kill anyone?"
My confused subordinates looked at me, so I declared:
"We'll knock them out and strip them naked!! We'll make them understand how we feel!!"
"""Yeaahhhhh!!"""
That's right! Since we were stealing supplies, I thought we might as well strip the things they were wearing too.
It was outrageous to be mocked by the enemy who made us go out like this.
"Oh? What's with these Goblins? Are they actually trying to pick a fight with us?"
"Perfect timing, isn't it? A nice little warm-up before the main battle."
"Then whoever bags the most of these pests gets the booze all to himself!"
"""I'm in on that wager!"""
Hearing them banter like that...
"STRIP 'EM NAKED!!!!"
We charged into the enemy host with ferocious bravery.
"What the hell are these goblins!?"
"T-They're strong!!"
"GYAAAAAAHHHH!!"
And just like that, we laid waste to a massive army.
"What on earth... They're stripping the men naked!?""
"A-Ah! They're assaulting the men!!"
"A-Are you serious?! T-They're absolute perverts!!"
We fought like demons, plundering supplies and stripping the enemy bare.
And that was when the incident occurred.
"Captain, I'm going to secure those supplies!"
"Got it! We'll hold them here! You guys, don't let a single enemy pass!!"
"""Roger!!"""
I sent one person to collect supplies while the rest of us kept stripping enemies naked.
Then one soldier charged at me.
"You damn goblin!!"
I easily parried, knocked him out, and stripped him like the others.
But then I realized — there was no male symbol, and his chest was... rather large.
"Huh?"
Apparently, a woman had disguised herself as a man, wrapping her chest with bandages to join the battle...
And I had groped her quite thoroughly.
"Is it you bastards!? We cannot allow our advance to be halted by mere Goblins!!"
"General Wooly!? Brilliant, you bastards are finished now!!"
"""UWOOOOOOOHHH!!"""
The enemy let out a massive cheer, and I panicked.
An incredibly powerful-looking old man was charging straight toward me.
If anyone saw the scene right now, it looked exactly like a Goblin pinning down a helpless woman.
If this got out, I really would be a certified pervert!!
Therefore...
"Take thi—gh!?"
Before anyone could witness the scene, I took down the old man and stripped him naked on the spot.
Faced with that sight, the enemy fell into utter, paralyzed shock.
"Captain! We've secured the supplies!!
"...Alright, let's pull back!!"
"""UNDERSTOOD!!"""
We should have retreated quietly at that point, but...
"Hey, this one's a woman."
"For real? If we tell everyone the goblins assaulted her, maybe we should have some fun oursel—gah!?"
There was a real scumbag among them, so I had no choice but to sling the woman over my shoulder and run away with her.
* * *
Side: Seraria
"I see. Motives aside, if you had just abandoned her there, I would have knocked you out myself."
"That's harsh!?"
"Anyway, I now understand why the Enaria reinforcements accepted Mino-chan's demands so easily."
"Huh? What do you mean-ssu? Mino-chan desperately persuaded them and won prisoners and expenses, right?"
"During negotiations, Hein-dono introduced Mino-chan's group to the reinforcement commander, General Wooly."
"...General Wooly? The old guy I stripped naked?"
"Yes, exactly. Upon seeing him, they apparently abandoned all intention of fighting Mino-chan's forces entirely. Well, it makes sense. Who in their right mind would argue against a negotiation with an opponent capable of instantly crushing them, sparing their lives, stripping them completely naked, and casually plundering their supplies?"
"Ah... so they think we're under Mino-chan's command?"
"Probably. We'd been wondering why the negotiations had gone far too smoothly."
But this explains why the other side was so cooperative.
Steve's attempted assault accidentally served as the catalyst that brought about an ideal resolution.
"The overall result worked out... but what should we do with the girl you brought back, Steve?"
"We can't exactly send her home, can we?"
"Don't be stupid. How exactly do you plan to send her back? By giving her a horse and supplies like an ordinary soldier? If you did that, she'd be suspected of betraying her country to the enemy retreating main force. And you'd send her back to people who almost assaulted her?"
"...Sorry-ssu."
"In the worst case, she could be attacked by bandits or monsters before reaching the main force and that would be the end of her. For now, let's keep her as our prisoner..."
...Hm?
Wait. Wasn't there a perfect person for this?
"What's wrong-ssu?"
"Come to think of it, Mino-chan took a prisoner of war as collateral for the expenses. Wouldn't it be perfect to place this girl together with her?"
"Ah, now that you mention it, he did say he captured a prisoner. What kind of person is she?"
"If I recall correctly, she's a Magic Sword wielder. A woman, so it works out perfectly—they're both female. Let's see, her name was... Aegil Thomson, I believe?"
According to Mino-chan, she was apparently an incredibly strange girl, but she should be fine.
She holds the title of a general, after all, so she should at least know how to interact with a common soldier.
"...So, what about my verdict?"
Ah, right, I forgot.
I still had to decide on Steve's punishment.
"Guilty."
"Why-ssu!? It was entirely beyond my control!?"
"Yes, I will acknowledge that certain elements were unavoidable force majeure. Therefore, your punishment shall be to take full responsibility for looking after the Magic Sword wielder and that female soldier."
"Ugeh."
"You were the one who stripped her and saved her, so you take care of her until the very end."
"...Understood-ssu."
Steve slumped his shoulders in utter defeat.
Since only our inner circle knows about this incident, and given the highly unusual circumstances, this level of punishment should be perfectly fair.
"Now then, Sakura! Mommy is coming for you right now~!!"
With my work officially finished, I threw open the doors and sprinted down the hallway.
