I seriously want nothing to do with Boss's wives. Well, specifically one of them. The other wives are harmless—Deriu-anesan is a bit much, but she's still within the realm of tolerance.
But Seraria-anesan? Denied. What was that term Boss used? "Refusal of service"? Yeah, that. Hard pass-ssu!!
"Steve, don't get hurt—!"
The tiny princess of our monster group, standing at the Boss's feet, cheers for me.
From over by Boss's feet, our little princess of monsters cheers for me. My motivation goes up a tiny bit-ssu.
"Steve, don't you dare hold back."
Ah, there goes my motivation. You have impeccable timing, Seraria-anesan-ssu.
"Aslin is here, and even Villia and Hiiro came along today. You can't exactly show them a pathetic display, can you?"
You're an ogre!! Boss was just forced to fight under those same conditions! To use children as shields... you're the lowest of the low!!
'Hey, Boss! Please tell your wife to exercise some self-restraint-ssu!' I send Boss a desperate look.
The response I get is Boss pressing his palms together in a "prayer" gesture of apology... Dammit, I have no allies!!
Ugh, how did it even come to this...?
I stare at my reflection in the training-grade, blunted longsword I'm holding.
Right, I remember-ssu...
It was just after Boss won against that adventurer. At the time, we of Team A were guarding the perimeter of the Adventurer's Guild. I was inside the Guild building to confirm the situation.
* * *
"Hm? Why is there a Goblin in a place like this?"
One of the adventurers called out to me.
"A monster... why isn't it attacking?"
"Hey, it's that thing, right? The explanation said monsters outside the dungeon zones are under control."
"Oh, right. It's even wearing an armband that says 'Security'."
That's right! So hurry up and leave me be. I can't even drink my grape juice in peace.
By the way, we monsters assigned to town security or the military actually receive a salary. Apparently, it's to show the townspeople that we aren't dangerous. We're encouraged to actively guard the streets, schools, and training grounds, and even do our own shopping to build rapport with the residents.
Actually, today was supposed to be my day off. My holiday is ruined because you lot arrived!! I felt like I was finally going to win at a game of Cheat today, too...
Thanks to Boss, we've become quite smart. We can read, write, calculate, and we've learned how to play games properly. Boss even lets us play video games, which is something the wives don't do, so I feel like we're actually the more trusted ones.
I was lost in thought like that, but the guys wouldn't leave.
"Hey, if this Goblin is 'Security,' does that mean it's strong?"
"Don't be stupid. It's a Goblin. You know the Guild's subjugation rank for them, right?"
"I mean, sure, they're Rank 2 for beginners, but would they entrust security to something like that? The guy controlling them is Seraria-sama's husband, you know."
"Now that you mention it, that's true..."
Don't stare at me like that!! I'm not interested in men!!
"Even a Goblin Lord or Knight is only Rank 3 or 4, right?"
"Ah, if it's around Rank 4, it might be okay for a guard."
"True. But look at this guy's outfit. And his physique isn't big like a Lord or a Knight."
"You're right. It just looks like a normal Goblin wearing high-end clothes and gear. The wild ones only have a loincloth and simple weapons."
Hey! Don't group me in with those wild exhibitionists outside-ssu!!
Do you have any idea how sad I was when the dungeon was first built and I saw my own kin running around outside as exhibitionists!? Please don't lump me in with those unwashed, stinking perverts!!
Our unit annihilated those exhibitionists, by the way. Completely. Root and branch.
If you're having trouble imagining it, think of it like this: It's like seeing an old acquaintance in a big city wearing nothing but underpants, smelling terrible, and waving at you-ssu!!
"Is something the matter?"
"Seraria-sama!?"
"No, well... we just saw a monster, a Goblin, walking around the Guild. It was so unusual. Is it really okay for it to be security?"
"Hm? It's security, just like the armband says. Did you not listen to the explanation?"
"No, we heard it, but we were just surprised that the guard is a Goblin."
"Ah, I suppose that's fair."
"So, we were just discussing whether it's actually suited for the job..."
"Heh... I see~"
Uh oh... I have a bad feeling about this...
It's dangerous when Seraria-anesan's eyes narrow like that!! She looks like a muscle-head, but she actually thinks a lot. Mostly about things nobody asked for.
I tried to slip away quietly, but...
GRAB.
She grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and pulled me back toward her.
"Steve, where do you think you're going?"
"Gob...? (Uh, hey, I'm on duty, I should probably go check the other areas...)"
"Ara? It seems there are voices concerned about your competence as a guard. We should probably address that first and foremost."
With a beautiful smile, I was forcibly escorted away by Seraria-anesan.
* * *
And this is the result.
"Now then, allow me to introduce a representative of our town's security: Steve the Goblin. Just now, voices were raised among the adventurers questioning if a Goblin is up to the task. That is a valid concern. Therefore, I would like the adventurers to fight Steve here and experience his strength for themselves. Of course, if you manage to kill him, I don't mind."
Oiii!!
"Also, since there's no incentive for you all, I'll give one Platinum Coin to whoever defeats Steve."
"""OOOOOOOHHHH!!!"""
Ugyaaaaaaa! She's saying the most outrageous things!!
Unlike Boss's match, mine is "kill-on-sight"!! Human rights... no, Monster Rights! I want to scream for them! I'm alive too, you know!
"Steve, do your best just like Nii-sama!"
"Do your best, although I don't think you can match Onii-sama..."
"Onee, you shouldn't say that."
Ugh, the Boss gets all the special treatment.
"Now, who wants to try?"
While Sister Seraria is calling out, I whisper to her.
"Gob...? (Am I allowed to kill the opponent?)"
"No."
"Gob!? (That's cruel!?)"
While we were doing that, the adventurer from before stepped forward.
"One Platinum Coin. Well, I wouldn't say I'm just tempted by the money, but it's true I'm interested in this Goblin's strength. I'll be your opponent."
Ugh, can I run away now?
"Hohoho. Another interesting turn of events. Seraria-dono, may I witness this as well?"
"Yes, please do."
My escape routes are gone!? If I run now, my pay will be docked for sure!!
You ogre! Devil! Your chest is half-baked anyway!! Either be flat or big, pick one!!
"...Docked pay."
"Gobyuh!? Gobuuuu!! (Did I say that out loud!? Tyrant!!)"
"Then just win. It should be easy, shouldn't it?"
I can't back down now!! I'll just beat him down quickly!! Come to think of it, this guy is the cause of all this. It's his fault for picking a fight!!
"Well then... both parties... Begin!!"
Sister Seraria gives the signal.
"GOBUUUUU!! (REST IN PEACE, YOU BASTARD!!)"
"Eek!?"
* * *
In the end, I went a bit too far, and the medical fees were deducted from my salary.
