Side: Rurua
I am currently in Yuki-sama's room at the inn. I am here to fulfill their conditions... to conceive his child.
However, Aslin-chan and Filia-chan are here. Labyris and Ratz are here as well.
"Man, you're persistent. I told you that was just a formality. Why do you keep coming back here knowing that?"
Yuki-sama insists that I don't need to fulfill the condition.
"No, Yuki-sama. You are mistaken."
"About what?"
"Labyris and Ratz have accepted it as a formality, but Milly-san and Kaya-san... those two took that condition literally. They will demand my death. It is useless for you to try and stop them. They aren't in love with you; you are simply a convenient substitute for the happiness they lost. And you need to defile me in their stead. Otherwise, they will break..."
When I said that, Yuki-san's expression turned serious.
Naturally. He has been too optimistic. He thinks that just because he freed them from slavery, they will simply follow his words, but the human heart is not so simple. As things stand, the cooperation within this dungeon will soon crumble because of an outlier like me, with Milly-san and Kaya-san at the center of the fracture.
"Sigh. So? You're saying that to satisfy Milly and the others, I need to have a child with you?"
"Yes. Their wish is for my dignity as a human being to be trampled."
"Me, the 'trampler,' huh? Personally, I only want to embrace women I actually like."
With that, Yuki-sama pulled Labyris and Ratz into his arms, holding one on each side. It was a strange sight. Usually, Yuki-sama tries to deflect their affection, but today he was being proactive.
"...Honestly, Rurua-sama, you're something else. Do you really think Yuki would make a child for a reason like that?"
"Indeed. To look at Onii-san that way... well, in a sense, it's no wonder you were kicked out of the top of the Rithea Holy Kingdom."
I couldn't understand their words at first. But after a few moments, the meaning began to sink in.
Why did they feel the need to say that now? Why must I be insulted? I had no other path but this. I am offering my very body to Yuki-sama for the sake of the order and peace of everyone here!
"...Yuki, I've lost interest. Why don't you explain things to Rurua-sama?"
"I'll take Aslin-chan and Filia-chan with me, so feel free to do as you please, Onii-san."
The two of them reluctantly let go of Yuki-sama's arms, picked up Aslin and Filia, and left the room.
"...Yuki-sama, may I have an explanation?"
I broke the silence that followed in the room where only the two of us remained.
"You've come this far and you still don't realize it? ...For starters, stop with the '-sama.' It's exhausting being addressed with words that have no respect, no love, and no heart behind them. It's a total turn-off."
Yuki...san's words, showing no intent to touch me, threw my mind into disarray.
Why? This body should be excellent as a woman. My looks, my education...
"Wh—! I use that to show you respect! What do you gain by constantly denying me!? Do you intend to just let Milly-san and the others kill me!? I don't want to die! I simply want to live, even if I have to grovel to you! Is that so wrong!? Look, my breasts are large—rub them, do whatever you like! ...Please. Let me conceive your child...!"
I stripped naked before him and pleaded.
It has been four days since Milly-san set the condition. The talks with Seraria-sama are finished; the housing for the immigrants is already set up, and we are moving on to other facilities. Yet, I have still not received Yuki-san's seed... no, he hasn't even directed a shred of lust toward me.
At this rate, Milly-san will surely kill me. Even if not directly, I will be cast out, or indirectly...
"Rurua, what do you plan to do from here on? Rather, what do you plan to live for? All I can tell you right now is that there's no point in having a child just so you can survive. Do you understand that?"
"What do you... mean? If I conceive your child, Yuki...san, my safety will be..."
"Listen. That wouldn't completely satisfy Milly and the others anyway. It's a stopgap at best. What, do you seriously think that having a baby would magically fix your entire relationship with them?"
"That's..."
"What did you say!? Do you have any idea how much... how much I built up to reach the seat of the Saint!?"
"Yeah, that's why I said you had ability."
"......What are you trying to say?"
"Rurua, have you ever tripped and fallen? It hurts quite a bit. If you're unlucky, you scrape your knees and bleed. When I was a kid, I'd cry my eyes out."
"Are you saying I'm like a child who scraped their knee!? Don't mock me!! Do you really think I can be compared to something like that!! I... I was cut off and abandoned by my own country!! Why... why do I have to go through this!! Please help me!! Hey... Help me...!"
Tears flooded from my eyes. I couldn't stop them.
I spat out everything I had been bottled up, hurling it at Yuki-san.
"It's the same thing. Or rather, in a way, there are children who endure the pain and stand back up without crying. They're much more impressive. Think about why I'm comparing you to a child. Rurua, you know deep down that what you need to do right now isn't conceiving my child. It's time you realized what it means to stand up on your own two feet. Look at Elju—she takes action without being told. You probably don't know, but when Elju met Milly, she was showered with horrible insults. Do you know what Elju did then? She bowed her head. She said, 'I'm sorry.' That isn't something just anyone can do. It's a feat possible only because she is Elju. No wonder Seraria cherishes her."
Elju-sama went through such a thing...?
But I am fulfilling my responsibility by accepting Milly's demands...
"Stop acting like the tragic heroine of a play. Actually, a tragic heroine would be better—at least she'd reach back and grab the hand of the prince who came to save her."
"...Apologizing... there's no guarantee it would go like it did for Elju-sama. I don't have that kind of courage."
"Thought so. You aren't Elju. And you seem to be mistaken—it's not like Milly and the others have 'forgiven' Elju. You saw it during the meeting, didn't you? Elju desperately bowing her head to them."
"So Elju-sama is also in the middle of atonement...?"
"...Thanks for the pessimistic answer. Well, if you want the real answer, go ask Elju. She's the one doing it; she'll tell you the truth."
"...What are you getting at? I am not Elju-sama! I'm too scared to apologize! If I offend them, I could be kicked out at any moment!"
"That's why I told you to stop playing the tragic heroine. In this group, that role is already filled by Milly, Kaya, Labyris, and plenty of others. But none of them are acting like one. Milly probably wants to scream and cry more than anyone. But she doesn't. Do you know why?"
"......Because doing that doesn't change anything."
"Exactly. Even if someone offers a hand, it's meaningless unless you grab it. Rurua, for the past few days, all you've been doing is screaming. 'I'm so unhappy,' 'It can't be helped.' You weren't trying to have a child to live; you were trying to have a child to be allowed to live. If those sound like the same thing to you, you're beyond help."
"......You're saying my task isn't to conceive...?"
"If you can understand that much for today, it's enough. We aren't in a situation for 'embracing' anyway, so go back to your room."
* * *
In the end, I loosely threw my discarded yukata back on and trudged out of the room.
For a while, I stood dazed in the hallway... no, I was thinking, but my mind was a jumbled mess.
My task is not to conceive Yuki-san's child... then what is it? Will I be thrown out of this dungeon for breaking my promise...? No, if that happened, there's a chance I'd spread word of this place... Would they then revoke my protection, kill me, and turn me into DP...?
"Ah—!"
My yukata caught on my foot and I tumbled onto the floor.
"It hurts...?"
My knee was bleeding. Just a small wound.
"Eh? Rurua-sama? Are you alright? I'll heal you right away."
Elju-sama appeared from the shadows of the hallway with a gentle voice.
"Heal. There, all better. 'Pain, pain, fly away!' ...Oh, I'm sorry. You aren't a child, are you?"
Elju-sama apologized bashfully.
"No, you saved me. But... what was that 'fly away' part?"
"Well, you see, little children often keep crying even after their wounds are healed. For children, pain isn't the only reason they cry. They cry because they're already crying, or because they're afraid of being scolded by their parents, or because they made people worry... all sorts of things. Have you had such experiences, Rurua-sama?"
"No, my work at the clinics was strictly professional... so..."
"I see. But surely you've seen children who won't stop crying even after being healed?"
"I have, but since the wound was gone, I simply moved to the next person..."
"Ah, you were a Saint of Rithea. I suppose you didn't have time for such things. Though I'm a 'former' Saint now, too. Do you know why I say those words?"
"No. Why?"
"Children cry because of the injury. Saying 'You did your best' doesn't mean much. What matters is telling them the wound is gone. By saying 'Pain, pain, fly away,' they realize it's actually healed—and even if it isn't fully, they believe it is. Then they have no reason to cry, and they smile. Well, quite a few would start crying again later when their parents scolded them, though."
"I see. It's a matter of mindset?"
"Yes, I think so. But usually, the children I healed would show up the very next day with their knees covered in blood again. Yet they wouldn't be crying. They'd all say with a smile that they wanted Elju-sama to fix them. It was a bit of a problem having them get hurt more, though."
Elju-sama gave a wry smile, seemingly reminiscing.
"It's been so long since then... I hope those children haven't been caught in the fires of war. I pray they can keep those smiles. I hope the day comes when I can return the precious things they gave me."
Elju-sama offered a prayer to the artificial moon of the dungeon.
"Did you receive something from those children?" I asked without thinking.
"Yes, I received something very important. From those brave children who stood up without crying even after they fell. To them, getting hurt is often a first-time experience. It is the greatest fear and pain they've ever known. That's why they cry. But in the end, every single one of them stands up on their own feet and walks. They treat themselves, or get scolded and healed by parents, or come to me for help."
She took a breath and continued.
"......Because of my own thoughtlessness, I caused immense trouble for you, Rurua-sama, as well as for the Holy Kingdom of Rithea, Roshure, and Gartz. I used to curse my own misfortune. I wondered why I was the only one suffering like this. But after meeting Mobu-san and Milly-san, I realized that was just self-indulgence. And Yuki-san scolded me plenty for it. After all that, I finally... realized. I am just a child who fell, got hurt, and couldn't stand up. I still don't know what I can do, but I intend to look for it. I've stopped screaming. I decided it would be better to help make life in this dungeon richer. Milly-san and the others might hate it, but staying like this and doing nothing is an insult to all those children who stood back up. I don't want people pointing at me, saying I'm a 'Saint' who got hurt and couldn't stand up."
Listening to Elju-sama, I realized our ways of thinking were worlds apart. How radiant her way of living was. In the end, all I had been doing was begging for my life. In contrast, Elju-sama...
"I've stopped mourning what can't be taken back. I want to help build the future that will start from here as much as I can. Children don't dwell on their injuries forever, after all. They just start the next fun thing."
So "atonement" was a pessimistic answer...
I would have judged it as incorrect.
She is... how should I put it? Sweet? Or perhaps she is someone who can swallow both the pure and the corrupt?
"Rurua-sama? Is my way of thinking strange after all?"
Elju-sama turned a troubled expression toward me. I knew I had to give her a proper answer.
"It is very noble. You're right, Elju-sama. Even a child can stand up. We cannot remain huddled on the ground. Let us do our best tomorrow."
"Yes!"
Goodness... I thought I had studied so hard, but the light beside me is far too dazzling.
